Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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