if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
