The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
