Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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