After last night, I could never be a politician.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
