I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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