I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
