we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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