I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it was like eating out sand paper
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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