What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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