He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
