What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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