I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
