I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Who put my cat in the fridge?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
