I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
