even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
