would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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