the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
