I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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