If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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