I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
