You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize