Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
