Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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