she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
