Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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