This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
