Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
