What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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