our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
