Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
