Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
