apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I want her autograph on my taint
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
