have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
