oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
