wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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