I didn't shave. On purpose
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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