they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
