His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
