I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
