apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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