She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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