you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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