shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize