Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize
