drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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