Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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