High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
last night I used snow as a chaser
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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