Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
