Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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