The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
