your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
