Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
