I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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