This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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