i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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