I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
