Got a toothbrush?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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